Writing
about my dad is very hard because I lost him just less than 3 months ago and
because I still can’t accept it. He left too soon…
I
have been through a roller coaster of feelings…something I wasn’t prepared for,
something no one prepares you for…
I
saw him without life…yet I can’t believe it…
I
keep asking myself: Where is he? Where is his soul? But the thing is that I
don’t know the answer…We know so many things and we can create and destroy
life…yet we have no idea what happens after…what happens when we go? It can’t
be over…it just can’t be…otherwise life means nothing…
I recently
met a man who is 88 and he is still learning…he is a retired surgeon and now he
studies Italian language, among other things and he speaks Italian quite well,
he is very intelligent and seems such a special person! He keeps going as if
life was eternal…but it isn’t…or is it?
We
spend so much time discovering things…why can’t we discover what happens after
we go?
I
keep wishing I could turn back time and save my dad…that is all I wish for…
I
used to live in a nice world where nothing bad ever happened and then one day my
husband had a terrible accident and almost lost his life…I could bring him home
safe and he miraculously fully recovered after months of pain and hope.
…but
I could not bring my dad home safe from the hospital, I had to leave him
there…I did hold his hand until the last minute, until it was so cold…then I
had to give up and let him go…the saddest feeling I ever had…and now sometimes I
find myself feeling a strange pain inside of me…like a hole in my heart…
Nobody
told me before I would have felt this way…I wish they did, I wish they had told
me that my dad was part of me, that losing him would have hurt more than words
can say…if I only knew that I would have spoken to him every day, I would have
been there more often and I would have made sure he knew every day how much I
loved him.
